I been told by a few that my life is perfect. That I am so beyond lucky to be home with my girls and work anywhere I go. Yes, I am so lucky beyond words. But I have to be honest with you ladies, from the bottom of the heart of a Culpeper boudoir photographer, I have to get this off my chest…
I am just like you, I am a mother, I cry, I stress and I fear the worst before it comes or even panic over the “what if”. I spend most of my days holding a 20 lb. baby girl around my house. My house is NEVER clean. I personally hate laundry so it only gets done when the kids run out of clothes or I. I spend most of my days in Pj’s unless I have to go out, which I try to get out of the house often. I really truthfully only have ONE PAIR of jeans and two pairs of short that fit me. I have over 4 big boxes of clothes that no longer fit me that I refuses to get rid off. I am a bit of a pack rat. 😉 My hair is always messy and is mostly in a bun. I never wear make up unless I am doing something I need too. My life is completely and utterly a manic Monday every day. After having my second daughter Abigail I have lost my confidence in myself. I use to feel beautiful, loved my body and didn’t care what anyone thought on what I looked like. Now, I walk around with my head down and hope I don’t run into anyone. I have struggled with postpartum depression since coming home from the hospital with Abigail, She now 8 months old! It’s been the worst fight against myself in years. But I am doing my best to beat it with a metal bat so I can overcome it.
My passion is always about making others feel pretty, beautiful and amazing. I rarely look at myself with love like I once did. It’s been a hidden struggle of mine that I refuse to tell anyone, even as a Culpeper boudoir photographer. I mean who wants to tell anyone they personally are disgusted with their body when they are trying sell their business to women? I see beauty in everyone else but myself. I don’t care what size you are I do honestly believe you can do boudoir! (and I know I would rock a boudoir session too) I long to feel what I give my clients, that uplifting courage that really makes my clients say ” Oh my gosh, I cannot believe that is really ME”. I won’t lie, I am so jealous of all my beautiful and amazing clients. =) You all are super stars and are always great encouragement to myself and other women alike.
This past week I have been in huge funk, emotional wreck trying my hardest to make sense of my life. So I went to Fredericksburg this past week to look around and get some fresh air. I walked into a resale high end store called Sequels carrying Abigail and hoping to not look like a fool walking into this store. I looked around with no luck, I thought to myself “how depressing” I will not lie, I refuse to try on clothes anymore because I don’t want to know what size I am. But to my surprise with a little help from the lady behind the counter all pretty dressed well, I asked for help. She found this dress I swore wasn’t going to fit me. But she encouraged me to try it on. I finally tried on a dress and….. it FIT! I was looking in the mirror smiling and looking at how well this dress emphasizes my curves ( I love my curves y’all). I was shocked. I couldn’t stop staring at myself in awe. So to the end of that story I bought the dress!! You know darn well a girl is not going to walk away from a dress that fits her and makes her glow!!
So I set out to find a way to show my beauty in this dress. I hired my dear friend from Sarah Houston Photography to capture me in this dress as well as use these new images for headshots, well long over due. When I seen myself for the first time, I don’t mean my face, because I know what that looks like. But my entire body flaunting this dress. I cried. I am literally tearing up right now writing this. I have longed to feel that beauty that I once had, truthfully it is still their hidden under a brick wall. I am slowly learning to love myself, my stretchmarks, my mid-selection that once held three babies. Believe me when I say this,
I have struggled with a lot within the last two years of my life. I have faced more obstacles then probably in one my age. From miscarriage, to divorce, to finding a caring man, to losing my grandmother, to becoming pregnant again, then in a horrible car crash that left me without a job and on bed rest fearing of losing my baby. To RIGHT NOW. A business owner, a mother of two beautiful and healthy girls. To a happy life with all of its craziness to seeing myself in a different life that I needed. I cannot thank Sarah enough for showing me how beautiful I am. I know us mothers forget how beautiful we are. Our children take up most of our time and if you work you know your time is very limited.
I ask you ladies to step outside of your comfort zone like I did. To just try it, buy a cute dress and a pair of shoes. Invest in yourself and let me capture your true beauty. I promise you that you will feel the same way I do RIGHT NOW. I know it will not take away years of hate towards your body but it will make you see yourself differently. It’s so worth it!
To book your incredible Culpeper boudoir photographer experience with Black Lace, contact Rami today!